The Bachelor Power Rankings, Week 10: Nick Sleeps With Three Women Then Dumps One.

Fantasy Suite week is so brutal. The premise is basically “sleep with three women in one week, then dump one!” FUN! So, so fun for everyone involved. Especially Raven, it would appear. If I was Raven and someone pitched that “I Just Got Laid and I’m SO HAPPY!” dance scene, I would have asked a PA to replicate it and then given it a hard pass. I WOULD HAVE WALKED OFF SET BEFORE AGREEING TO PARTAKE IN THAT STUPID SCENE. My god people, let that woman have a shred of dignity.

Nope. No dignity left to be had on this show.

The rest of the show isn’t even worth recapping, but here are a few takeaways:

  1. Rachel is bad at cross-country skiing. She lives in Dallas, so NBD.
  2. Rachel owns a penguin onesie.
  3. Finnish reindeer are ADORABLE.
  4. Vanessa could seamlessly be placed in a mid-90s episode of Baywatch and would not look anachronistic (not a diss, she just really would have shined in the 1990s)
  5. Sleeping with someone and then breaking up with them later in the week – so douchy (Nick, and probably every other contestant that came before him). But still.
  6. Raven wore pants to the Rose Ceremony, because it’s Finland in the dead of winter and evening gowns are really a touch out of place.
  7. Rachel is moving on to MUCH BETTER THINGS (I hope)
  8. Vanessa is definitely ‘winning’ this thing.
Finnish Baywatch
Is a caption really needed here?

I have only watched about twenty minutes of the Women Tell All show (aka, last grasp at fame), but a few observations:

  1. A large portion of the women were dressed and styled more for a Miss America pageant than a talk show program.
  2. Liz was almost unrecognizable. She was incredibly pretty on The Bachelor, even when she had very little make up on, so I’m not sure why she went Full Pageant on us.
  3. Just… Josephine.
  4. Danielle M. needed a sweater.
  5. There was a girl who I literally kept saying “who is that?” every time they panned to her (NOT Whitney)
  6. In the first twenty minutes there was numerous moments where the women were just shouting over each other like a bad episode of Maury Povich and oddly Corrine is the one who just sat there looking like the normal one.
It’s not a good move to be literally unrecognizable. OR IS IT THE SMARTEST MOVE EVER?
weird outfits
It FEELS like Kristina and Whitney are the only people appropriately dressed for this taping. Where did Danielle find that white satin pantsuit? WHERE DO YOU FIND SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 

Coming up next: THE FINALE, THANK GOD.


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