So begins the Bachelor Power Rankings, now that we’ve whittled down the group. My pre-season Final Four all made it through the first culling:
- Rachel – She received the first impression rose, and as I previously pointed out – seems normal and well-rounded and smart. Even after seeing her on camera, she still seems to be all of these things.
- Danielle M. – She got a fair amount of screen time, including a separate producer package (which seems like a sign she is sticking around for at least a few weeks). No mention of her deceased fiancée yet. She told Nick she was a neo-natal intensive care nurse and then he ASKED HER IF SHE WORKED IN A HOSPITAL which either means he was not listening closely, or is stupid.
- Liz – The most important take away from this episode is that Liz has ALREADY SLEPT WITH NICK. The fact that she did not just casually announce that to the room of 29 competitive women is my greatest disappointment in the season opener.
- Vanessa – The perfect bachelor contestant – she’s pretty – but not in an overly generic way, has an interesting job, is from Quebec, speaks multiple languages and had a fair amount of screen time. Outside of Taylor, the biggest surprise.
- Christen – Christen stood out (possibly because she was wearing a bright yellow pageant gown). She seems like she could be a fun hang, so I could see her sticking around for at least a few weeks.
- Danielle L. – Danielle L. is very pretty, and knows how to turn heads, if her dress is any indication. She also had a pre-show on-location package, like everyone ahead of her on this list (excluding Christen, if memory serves). She seemed a bit…vapid, but Nick seemed to be a fan.
- Corrine – I mistakenly characterized her as “boring” based on her online profile, when in reality she is 24 years old and has a nanny. For whatever reason, Corrine has not re-branded her as a Personal Assistant/Preparer of Sliced Cucumbers, which makes me question her ability to ‘run a multi-million dollar business.’ She went in for the first kiss (which Nick later described as ‘uncomfortable’) so she might stick around for awhile based on SHEER DETERMINATION AND WILL.
- Raven– Raven just seems like the type of girl that men like. I don’t think she will win, but I don’t think she’s getting shipped back to Hoxie, Arkansas anytime soon, either.
- Taylor– She was my biggest pre-show miss. Her profile made her sound like she had the personality of someone fresh out of high school, and in reality she has a Master’s Degree from Johns Hopkins. She also swore twice on camera and told Nick her friends think he’s an asshole. I like Taylor.
- Lacey – I don’t remember Nick and Lacey interacting much, but I just dipped back to her profile and she seems like the right combo of smart/funny.
- Sarah– She seems incredibly YOUNG and frankly, not too smart. But she also seems cute, bubbly and fun so you know, if you’re going to surround yourselves with ladies, she’s not a terrible choice.
- Alexis – She insisted she was wearing a dolphin costume when it was so, so clearly a shark costume (it had gills, sharp pointy teeth, and a serious resemblance to Left Shark). I assume Nick picked her because she was the only person that seemed to be consuming hard alcohol and could end up being the FUN one.
- Jasmine G. – She had some weird pool-side breakdown which included phrases like “this isn’t me!” and “I can’t believe I’m acting like this” – but she also had a fair amount of screen time and is a professional NBA dancer, which earns her another week, minimum.
- Brittany– She was in my pre-season top 4 but we did not see much of her Night 1. Doesn’t bode well.
- Whitney– I had her as a pre-show villain but we barely saw her. She could be the type that blends in for a bit though, and then sort of makes a move (like Chase on JoJo’s season. I mean, Chase was not on anyone’s radar. Possibly even his own.)
- Astrid – Astrid should be gone soon, if my Bachelor radar is on point.
- Hailey – the angry, non-Canadian-esque Canadian made it into the Top 22 but she just seems…like a bit of an odd duck.
- Dominique – I have no memory of seeing Dominque so that just can’t be a good sign.
- Elizabeth – Also had very little screen time.
- Jaimi– After the weird “I have balls” intro line, I was surprised she made it through.
- Kristina – I originally chose her as my pre-show winner, based off her photo and her online profile. She is not winning this thing. I don’t think I ever saw her speak to Nick, and she was used as a prop by the producers, intercutting shots of her crying into the rose selection process. Producers don’t do that to winners.
- Josephine – She had one of those longer on-location promo packages as well, wherein she basically annoyed the shit out of everyone who was watching.
And for those keeping score, of the original cast, these eight girls got unceremoniously dumped on the first night. We knew you so little!
Angela – the 5’7” model
Lauren – the girl who wants to live off the land
Olivia – So much for this being her ticket out of Anchorage
Briana – The one whose biggest accomplishment was moving to Utah
Ida Marie – Good news, she will have more time to read now!
Jasmine B. – The show could not handle more than one lady named Jasmine
Michelle – She owned a food truck, so I consider this Nick’s loss and Los Angeles’ gain
Susannah – Hopefully one night on the Bachelor doesn’t supplant her previous greatest achievement of flying to Europe on a whim.